The careers of some men in power who have used their positions to harass and abuse women for decades are imploding. Women who have kept silent for fear of the consequences to their lives and careers are banding together to expose those sexual predators.
But what about the men who are perpetrators of “everyday sexism”? The guys who make personal remarks about the appearance of a woman who is a complete stranger to them, and then tell her she should “smile”— or the man who listens better to his male friends than to the women in his life.
Or the much greater number of men who subconsciously feel that women are a little bit less than men, just a step behind on the evolutionary scale. The social conditioning of both sexes from birth tells us this over and over, so it’s not surprising if it’s a knee-jerk response in both men and women.
A lot of women spend our entire lives fighting this conditioning, rewriting that internal code to overcome our insecurities, and become the people we aspire to be, whole and functioning adults, using all the intelligence and talents that we were born with, and all the learning and wisdom we’ve have acquired in life.
But how many men really examine their deep-seated conditioning, or the limitations that conditioning places on them? Because it’s not just women who suffer in a patriarchal society. Male privilege comes at a cost. Susan Brownmiller, author of Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape, compares what the Patriarchy says about men to what Feminism could mean for men:
So if you are a man reading this, maybe now’s the time for you to do some soul-searching, and see if there’s some sexism buried in your subconscious.
Here are a few questions to get you started:
When one of the women in your life is speaking passionately about an issue that’s important to her, have you ever told her to “calm down” or “lighten up”– would you say the same thing to a male friend? Would you say it at the same point, or give him more time to rant before you said it? Even if you don’t say it out loud, do you silently think she’s gotten “carried away” about something that’s not that bad, or just not that important?
- Have you ever heard a woman put out an idea at a meeting, which gets ignored, but then a little later a man brings it up as if it’s his idea, and he gets the credit for it? Did you speak up, to remind the group that she came up with it first, or worse, are you the guy who stole her idea?
- Have you ever said to any woman, “Smile, it’s not that bad” without knowing why she isn’t smiling? If so, why do you think women should be smiling all the time, and why are you uncomfortable when we’re not?
- Have you “accidentally on purpose” brushed up against the breast or buttocks of a woman you weren’t dating/living with/married to?
- Do you agree with the DNC that being pro-choice should not be a “litmus test” for Democratic candidates?
- Do you think we don’t really need the Equal Rights Amendment in the Constitution, because the 14th amendment is “enough of a protection” for the rights of women and members of the LGTBQ community?
- What’s wrong with this picture?
- Quick — is this woman (a) sad, or (b) is she just not smiling?
There are dozens of other questions that would illustrate my point, but these are good starters. If they’ve made you squirm even a little, you may not be so “enlightened” as you’ve assumed you are.
If these questions did more than make you squirm, maybe you should be part of this new campaign: #IWasASexistAsshole.
Because women by the thousands have come out for the #MeToo campaign, but until men become part of the process, nothing is really going to change.
They say “confession is good for the soul”– it could be good for getting rid of gender inequality too.
Women, do you know somebody who should take this little quiz? Pass it on!
